it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
