so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I am one with the molecules
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
