wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
