those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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