What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
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I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
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He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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