forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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