i just google imaged poop.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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