So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
