Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
