Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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