I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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