Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
