You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
