This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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