It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
