This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
