remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
