idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
we made out on top of his cat.
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Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
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So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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