I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
