i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
