My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
