Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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