My first STD was from a foam party
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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