??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
