You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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