I think I died a long time ago.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
