WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
And then the night went full on bisexual.
is that a dick in a sweater?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
