its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
