My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
