bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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