How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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