He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
