My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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