Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I didn't notice because vodka
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
