When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
