Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I CAN MOONWALK!
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
