haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Sext me about skeletons
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
