I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
