I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
