You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
