Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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