When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
