At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
