He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
