Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
