Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
