Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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