Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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