And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
