I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just want to make out with him forever
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
