i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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