i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
