Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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