In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
