The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I yelled at your uterus for you.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize