She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
