You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
