dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
