I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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