So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
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That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
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When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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