He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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