I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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