why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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