$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
