I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
