You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My vagina just recognized that song.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
