she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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