What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
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