I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
