So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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