I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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