Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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