Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize